I planned on getting on track and posting more regularly. My plans have not been coming to fruition lately. Writing and sharing are good for me though, so I’ll make it happen.
The last few weeks have been hectic; not for any particular reason and all the reasons at the same time. Time moves so differently when grieving. Grieving is exhausting. My therapist has advised I don’t delve fully into grieving since I have so much going on. Hearing, “Oh, Kori, it’s so much; you are dealing with so much” each week is comforting. I’m so thankful God placed her in my life. The ambiguity of my grief also makes it difficult to dive into fully; so I’m not pushing it away or embracing it. I’m trying to just deal with each moment as it comes.
Today was hard. I love a good Starbucks red cup day. It’s the beginning of my favorite time of year. It also reminds me of the many years Frankie worked there. There are so many good memories. Our last Christmas before the catastrophic bleed in February 2018 Frankie got me some Caramel brûlée sauce. It was great, but brings a little sadness with every caramel brûlée latte I drink. Last year on red cup day we were in Texas and Frankie had made it through his two stages craniotomy and AVM resection. Each latte my dad brought me was a celebration. Today’s red cup day I got out to get a new toilet seat after Frankie fell and broke ours. I tried to enjoy my time away and my treat, but I miss my best friend. I miss our life. I miss our plans and hope for the future. I miss everything about him. I’m tired. I’m over it. It’s hard to put into words. I’m not giving up hope that he’ll come back to me.
I’ve been grappling with the fact that I feel something is missing in Frankie’s rehabilitation. I feel like his brain needs help healing and I don’t know where to go for that help. I’m exploring lots of options. He hasn’t plateaued, he is still making progress cognitively. Its great; but it’s not enough for me. It’s not enough for Frankie. I know he can do better than he is. I just have to figure out how to help the healing process.
Frankie has also developed some very bad habits that are exhausting my mom and I, and are harmful to him. That brings me to my prayer requests!
Prayer requests:
-an end to Frankie’s new bad habits
-for the Lord to show me clearly the path he wants us to take
-for our son to keep thriving in this messy life
-for Frankie’s initiation and motivation to be healed
-health as we enter the cold and flu season
Frankly Faithful 
Just saw these verses in Romans 8:35-39 and want to share! The book I’m reading comments:
“Like a fisherman at the bottom of the cliff, we can sometimes feel alone and exposed as we brave the uncomfortable circumstances of our lives. BUT the reality of the gospel is that we are NOT alone at all. By His incarnation and life of perfect obedience, by His death and resurrection, Christ has entered in to our human condition and has bound Himself to us with cords that cannot be snapped!!”
Power and truth in those words!
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Kori,
Wish you could hear your mother in law speak of how blessed they feel to have you in their lives. What a journey this has been for your family! Please know that I will continue to pray for your family. Love in Christ, Ellen
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